Things have been really tough recently and I have had to go back into hospital. I am being transferred to an inpatient unit on Tuesday and will have little to no access to this blog until I get weekend leave.

I love you guys, you’re all so beautiful and I hope you all continue on the road to recovery.

I am determined that this will be my last hospital admission. I am sick of anorexia. I just hope I am strong enough to take this leap.

I’m so cold and tired.

I hate this so much.

I just feel like I can’t do this and that it’s too hard and that they’re expecting too much of me and that I can’t take this much responsibility for my eating and weight gain, I just can’t, it’s TOO HARD, okay? It’s too hard and I’m doomed to fail.

I feel like I’m about to cry. Today has been too much. I’m on the verge of breaking down.

I feel so sad for no apparent reason.

1. To recover from anorexia

2. To become more sociable and likeable and relaxed in social situations

3. To understand myself a little more

AFJSDKFJDISAFJEIJFKSDFJDKSKCIAEJFIO;SDFIS I’M TRYING SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON 1:1S WITH ME AND BE SUPPORTING ME AND YOU GO AND FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE EXPECTING ME TO BE OKAY? AND I WANT TO GO AND BE SICK AND GET ALL OF THIS FUCKING DISGUSTING HORRIBLE BLOATING FOOD OUT OF ME BUT I’M SCARED OF GETTING CAUGHT SO I GO AND REPORT YOU WHILST FEELING LIKE UTTER SHIT.

OH YES, AND MY STOMACH HURTS.

/maybe i’m hormonal

thoughtsdontend:

Stop eating to be happy, stop eating so people notice, stop eating so people care, stop eating to look sick, stop eating for attention, stop eating to ‘lose weight’, stop eating because you hate your life and you want it to change.

Stop eating and lose yourself.

This is what happens.

Start eating to get yourself back.

(Source: thehealthymind)

and I’m at home listening to the rain pitter-patter against the window pane and I’m in the warm and I’m safe and with my Dad and for a brief moment I am free.